Monthly Archives: November 2013

Pyjama-clad twattishness reviled

Not for the first time in my life, I almost sent an anonymous letter to someone today. Almost. I’ve never done it. Every time it comes to that crucial moment, I realise that I’m a better person than that, and there are more productive ways to work through my anger. But today, I wanted to make this obnoxious little weasel squirm.

I forgot, you see, that in addition to all the amazing people out there in cyberspace, there are many sad and pathetic little people who love to throw out vitriol and bile, and then disappear like a rat up a drainpipe, unwilling to talk it out, or back up their claims — or, in short, to act like a reasonable and stable adult. I forgot that to act in such a way is to lower myself way, way down to a level at which I have never felt comfortable — and with good reason. The expression “act your age, not your shoe size” has never resonated so much with me.

Today, I nearly cracked. Nearly — but thankfully, not quite. Just in time, I remembered how to behave. Took a deep breath. Felt my own vitriol seeping away, dissipating into the ether. Regaining perspective — and thank god I did. I spend far too much time looking in the mirror to have to cringe each time I did, which I would.

The below is what I nearly sent. 

I’ve heard all about you. The word is out there over the internet. Insulting people and running away. Not having the guts to stand and discuss an issue like a real person.

How anyone who disagrees with you is a “cunt”.

How you don’t know how to hold your end of a discussion without resorting to gutter speak.

How anyone who picks up the end of your sweepingly dramatic and childish proclamations and asks you about term is “attacking you”.

How you squeal like a little boy and run away, blocking anyone who has an opinion that doesn’t match yours, bemused at the fact that you try to play with the grown-ups but clearly aren’t one yourself.

Don’t you know how to hold a discussion like an adult? Clearly not. Still too much of a baby.

For someone who wants to start a family, I’d sincerely advise that you take a class in being an adult before you throw away your condoms.

How does it feel, dickwad? Enjoy it, do you? Poison pen letters? Can you take it as well as you dish it out?

I didn’t think so.


“Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never die but once.” William Shakespeare.